All Flared Up

During the student orientation of my master’s degree program, the president of our college told us about her theory of learning:

“It’s like a spiral,” she said. “You will keep circling back to topics you have already learned, but forgotten. Yet with each pass through, you will notice that you have reached a new level and are slowly beginning to understand the basic concepts. Eventually, you will see that you can integrate this information in a way that seemed impossible at first.”

She went on to explain to us exactly how this works, “The first time you learn something new, think of it as nothing other than exposure. Don’t try to understand it, just take it in. Soon you will forget it, but don’t worry – that’s normal. The second time around you will recognize it as something you’ve already studied, even though it will still seem foreign. By the third time, it will start to make the slightest bit of sense. And by the fourth or fifth time, everything will come together and you will simply know.”

I loved this concept and kept it close to me during my studies. It helped me to not judge myself for being slow to grasp concepts and allowed me surrender to a process of gradual knowing. I began to see learning not as a chore but rather as a blossoming of my awareness.

For me, this idea is also a metaphor for the spiral of life. Even when things might feel stagnant, there is always progress – however small. No matter what, we are constantly spiraling upwards. Each challenging decision, regrettable mistake, devastating loss, or great success – are all moving us gently towards the highest and best version of ourselves.

To me, life is a circling back and a never ending surprise. What lies around the next curve is almost certainly not what I am expecting it to be. Where I am now is not where I would have guessed I would be five years ago. It’s much more expansive, challenging, and way more interesting than I ever could have dreamed.

I leave you with one of my favorite poems. A dear friend who has seen me through decades of spirals shared it with me during a very dark time in my life, turning it into one full of beauty and potential.

Hold Out You Hand, by Julia Fehrenbacker

Let’s forget the world for a while
fall back and back
into the hush and holy
of now

are you listening? This breath
invites you
to write the first word
of your new story

your new story begins with this:
You matter

you are needed—empty
and naked
willing to say yes
and yes and yes

Do you see
the sun shines, day after day
whether you have faith
or not
the sparrows continue
to sing their song
even when you forget to sing
yours

stop asking: Am I good enough?
Ask only
Am I showing up
with love?

Life is not a straight line
it’s a downpour of gifts, please—
hold out your hand