All Flared Up

Things look different from up high when we take a bird’s eye view.

And then, when we get down into the details, we see things we didn’t before. Things we like, things we don’t.

Either way, it’s not what we expected. This can be painful, but at the same time beautiful. It’s like installing a skylight in a dark house and suddenly having the ability to see the room like never before – all the dust hiding under furniture, all the tiny cracks in the walls, all the stains on the carpet marking what kind of life happened there.

But you also get to see the way the paint on the wall looks different depending on the time of day. The butt-shaped indentation on the couch in your favorite cozy spot. The dark mark on the hardwood floor where you dropped your favorite coffee cup because you were so excited to hear a good piece of news.

Menopause has given me the ability to experience the world with this greater detail. It’s like my brain has let go of being zoomed out, constantly looking for dangers and it has become more attuned to micro-moments.

I am more aware of how someone’s eyes sparkle when they talk about something that excites them. I am more capable of sitting with myself, no matter what emotions arise. I experience greater awe when I see a beautiful landscape and reverence when the first flowers of spring poke through the soil. These small things, things my brain would have filtered out when I was younger because I was too busy with the big picture of day-to-day survival, now give me immense pleasure.

I have also noticed that I am much more resilient when I am faced with the parts of me I don’t like. Mostly because now I am able to trust in my own intrinsic capacity for change. Everything I’ve ever been through in my life has shown me that I am stronger than I think. And that I can rely on myself to slowly and carefully wade through whatever life rains down on me.

Menopause has also empowered me to appreciate what I already have because I know that everything new eventually becomes old. And what’s old always has the potential to be renewed. I read somewhere that if you want to stop starting over, you need to stop giving up.

Of course, you need to take time to sift through what serves you and what no longer does. But you will find that in menopause, it is just not as hard as it once was to let go. You will begin to see this process as a declaration of love for yourself, instead of as a painful loss.

And then, over time, your life in focus becomes something beautiful. It is something you can’t help but to embrace. Something that brings you a joy that you have not yet known.

It becomes a life you would wholeheartedly and without any doubts recommend to others.